Holding Hands with Fear: The Journey of a Heart Centered Entrepreneur
posted on July 18, 2016
Someone asked me recently, “After eight years of business, do you still struggle with doubt and fear?”.
And, I answered without a pause, “Absolutely.”
After a moment of self-reflection, I went on to confess my best kept secret about becoming a heart centered entrepreneur.
Becoming an entrepreneur shattered all my previous beliefs about courage, strength and fearlessness.
All of these traits, which I once sought to embrace so wholeheartedly, slid down the list in ways that I couldn’t have imagined. And, somehow, I came to possess them anyway as a result of letting this creative work break me open and remake me along the way.
So, after eight years of being an entrepreneur, am I still afraid? Do I still wake up at night anxious or unsure?
Yet, after the first few years of letting fear have its way with me, I learned a new way to sit with it and hold it’s hand.
I learned to breathe out fear and doubt and breathe in love and trust.
I discovered that I could challenge those doubts with curiosity.
I remembered that I had a community that loved, encouraged and supported me.
I began to surrender and allow my heart to swell with gratitude.
I started to accept that I am soft and breakable and human.
I began to lean into the fear and take it’s hand. To feel the hold it takes around my heart, and keep breathing.
And, then, something magical began to happen…
The critical voices died down and self-compassion came to tend my wounds.
Trust in my capacity to feel the fear and emerge more whole, deepened.
I began to trust my ability to become comfortable with uncertainty.
I discovered that I was most courageous when I allowed my body to shake with vulnerability.
I began to trust again the knowledge that the Universe is my benefactor, holding out her hand to catch my dangling feet, to shower me with all that I need to complete what is mine to do in this world.
And, honestly, I don’t know if I would have learned this lesson so completely and so soon in my life if I hadn’t decided to become an entrepreneur. To commit to birthing a vision into being. To show up with such raw vulnerability, committed to creating something that was only an emerging speck of possibility.
So, this month, July 2016, the 8 year birthday of my entrepreneurial self, I celebrate the acquisition of curiosity, self-compassion, and deep trust in my ability to love through fear.
I surrender my desire to become fearless and embrace my ability to hold it’s hand, through the ebb and flow of the entrepreneurial journey.
Thank you, Soma Vida, for being my muse, my companion and wise teacher.